Likes: terrorizing mortals; libraries; serious eyeshadow; chain wallets; suspiciously lifelike marble statues
Dislikes: people who aren't statues yet; bros; Perseus
Sometimes, when I’m outside my apartment building with my sister while she’s having a cigarette and a group of drunk guys are fast approaching who I know are going to cat-call us, I am tempted to beat them to it and shout: “HEY THERE, LADIES.”
YOU LOOKIN’ GOOD, LADIES
COME ON, JUST A LITTLE SMILE
DOOOOOOOOOOOO EEET. I’m a big fan of turning the tables and/or doing it to them before they do it to you.
I’m thoroughly in favor of this. Except they might end up enjoying the attention, even if they get called ladies in the process.
So I can have your number? Can I have it? Can I have it? Where’s your boyfriend? Where your boyfriend at? Where’s your boyfriend? Is he getting you refreshments? Is he tall? Is he getting you Pabst Blue Ribbon? Where your boyfriend at? Oh, so you like Pabst Blue Ribbon? Is he coming back? Where your boyfriend? Where your boyfriend at? YOU WORK THAT PONY-TAIL, GURL. WORK THAT UP-DO.