Just another blog by an ambiguously-gendered primeval monster.

Likes: terrorizing mortals; libraries; serious eyeshadow; chain wallets; suspiciously lifelike marble statues

Dislikes: people who aren't statues yet; bros; Perseus

1st February 2014

Post reblogged from happiness is not a potato with 9 notes

Lair of the White Worm

cumaeansibyl:

This is a silly story (fun fact: Bram Stoker isn’t a very good writer) but what the hey

the leads are Peter Capaldi in a horrifying haircut and literal infant Hugh Grant as the local squire

no but look at this hair:

image

Charles just pointed out that the plot of this movie is literally “the nobility are reptilian humanoids” and I have to wonder what David Icke made of it

oh man they just had some crazy bad nightmare thing with fake animated fire and naked nuns and a really bad puppet snake biting Jesus and I don’t even know what, also some rape because of course that needs to happen (siiiigh)

wow, okay, when they gave Ken Russell an early-model green screen, they… probably shouldn’t have done that because it really went to his head

you know what snakes love, is bagpipes, snakes just go crazy for bagpipes

okay, they’ve been teasing this for a bit and I might as well tell you now that they’ve come right out and said it, the sacrifices to the snake god are made by impaling people with a giant murder strap-on, because Ken Russell was like “what’s the most perverted thing I could put here” but he was having an off day so that’s all he could come up with, and I don’t know if it was supposed to be shocking but it’s more like “hahahaha, really now”

oh lord, they had a serum against the crazy vampire-snake bite except there was a mixup at the lab and they got the wrong serum *sad trumpet* FOR GOD’S SAKE what a stupid final twist, are you fucking kidding me

Ken Russell loves giant murder strap-ons though have you seen Gothic or whatever it is about the weekend the Shelleys spend with Lord Byron there’s like giant murder strap-ons in the first fifteen minutes and this is why I can’t stand Ken Russell b/c he had real issues

Tagged: rapeken russellmoviescumaeansibyl

1st February 2014

Post reblogged from happiness is not a potato with 13 notes

Cherry 2000

cumaeansibyl:

A man’s android wife short-circuits while he’s fucking her on the wet floor, and he sets out to find her very rare chassis so he can stick her memory chip into it, and I’m starting to get a “Her” vibe here because he’s obviously barely able to function around real people and she’s functioning about on the level of Siri v1.0

good god, is that Robert Z’Dar? it sure is, there isn’t another face like that in the universe

cameo appearance as well from a young “Larry Fishburne” playing a club lawyer, because apparently this is one of those dystopias where you need legal contracts for sex between humans

haven’t seen hide nor hair of any male robots, which is silly. all these movies with house-robots and sex robots and whatever kind of robots always have all-female models for those, right? male robots for war and industry, female robots for home and bed. but you can’t tell me there aren’t people out there who’d love to have a good-looking male house-robot whether or not they’re planning to use it for sex

okay, I love it in ’50s sci-fi movies when there’s someone important with a name like Terry or Pat, or “Dr. Smith,” and it’s a huge surprise to the hero that she’s a lady, but we had a “Alex” in Solar Crisis last night and tonight we have Melanie Griffith as “E. Johnson” — both of these movies made in the ’80s and set in the future, mind you — and you can practically hear the record scratch as these future men are completely unable to cope with the information they’ve received

it’s weird for the time period, is all

hey, speaking of male robots tho, here’s Brion James in a nice nod

Griffith doesn’t seem to have a handle on her character and I don’t know if that’s because she thought it’d be a good idea to underplay it (it isn’t), or whether she’s just not cut out to play tough. which is a pity, because I sure can’t relate to the whiny white dude who wants his robot wife back

I tell you what, this is a society in dire need of a robot uprising

Tagged: snarky feminist movie synopsis yescumaeansibylmovies

23rd December 2013

Post reblogged from happiness is not a potato with 8 notes

cumaeansibyl:

I love reading about domestic details, it’s inexpressibly comforting

that’s why I like, say, Elizabeth Gaskell’s Ruth, which is a pretty weak novel — it’s about a young woman who has a child out of wedlock and is taken in by a kindly preacher who makes believe she’s a widow, and it would be much stronger if the author didn’t insist that she hardly knew what she was doing was wrong when she did it, and then turn her into a plaster angel afterward. But it’s full of detail about the clean, sweet, orderly house of the preacher and his sister, which is just so soothing.

Another of my comfort reads is Barbara Pym’s Excellent Women, in which nothing much really happens — there are a few minor squabbles but the status quo is almost thoroughly restored by the end — but again, there are so many nice little details, this time of a British spinster’s life just after WWII, that if I’m at all out of sorts I reach for it (it’s also pervaded by a very quiet and dry sense of humor and, all in all, is a much stronger novel than Ruth because even the virtuous people are pretty well flawed)

On the way back from Boston I reread Cold Comfort Farm because I was feeling ill, and if there’s one thing I would have wanted out of it (aside from it being twice as long because it’s such fun) I would’ve liked to have known more about the great spring cleaning of the Starkadders’ house — I mean, goodness knows what kind of messes were lurking about, I’m sure Gibbons could have done something funny with rural-novel stereotypes and small deadpan absurdities

(probably my favorite character in the book aside from Flora is Mrs. Beetle, a shining beacon of practicality and good sense, who — let me find the quote — “seemed to perceive (however dimly) that curtains must be washed and life generally tidied up before anyone could even begin to think of enjoying it.” Now there’s a woman who knows what’s up.)

If you have any recommendations of this sort of tedious nonsense, do please pass them on so I can build up my stressful-day stock

Yessss I feel similarly about Cold Comfort Farm

I would recommend the Moomin books if you can read children’s books at all, they’re not exclusively domestic books but domesticity is a part of them

Tagged: booksdomesticitycumaeansibyl

23rd December 2013

Question reblogged from happiness is not a potato with 13 notes

final-destinations said: It's obvious you keep tagging your pretentious brain farts under Final Destination for attention, so you're not fooling anybody. Your posts about the films date back to October and It's really odd that you spend so much time writing about some "toilet movies" (which is a term you apparently invented) you hate for months. At least FD is an innovation to the horror genre, and there are way more formulaic and tired horror films with much worse acting you could spend time hating. So take a break.

cumaeansibyl:

Actually, I started tagging with “final destination” because I knew I would watch the whole series and I wanted to be able to look up my posts, y’know, on my own blog. And if anyone didn’t want to hear me talk about people getting squished by various heavy things or folded the wrong way, they could blacklist that tag.

But then people started screaming at me which I have never seen anyone do for any of the thousands of other things people tag, so of course I was going to keep doing it at that point because a) nobody owns a tag, geez and b) you people are too, too funny. For fans of a series full of crazy Rube Goldberg setups and the latest in CG splatstick, y’all are the most humorless bunch I’ve ever run across.

Just think: if you’d ignored my pretentious brain farts like they deserved, I would be well out of your hair by now because I’m always looking for new and better toilet movies (copyright galesofnovember) and most of the people who watch those have enough self-awareness not to throw fits when some rando has opinions. But here we are, and you’re still mad. Hey, if you want to entertain me for free, I’m game.

Tagged: lol this is like when the self-proclaimed empress of EN fandom tried to get her friends to hate on mewhat a bunch of humorless dicksfandom: srs fuckin' bznscumaeansibyl

18th December 2013

Post reblogged from The Glass Child with 219,701 notes

karaokekarkat:

dumbscar:

karaokekarkat:

dumbscar:

date me

will there be potato 

7 whole potato

we ride at midnight. bring potato

Tagged: oh my godcumaeansibyl

Source: junkoe

1st November 2013

Photo reblogged from happiness is not a potato with 57 notes

cumaeansibyl:

gorgonetta:

cumaeansibyl:

gorgonetta:

[Animated gif of a robot shaking its hips awkwardly while several humans look on]

I’VE SEEN THIS, it’s “Devil Girl from Mars”
not very good, but they tried to make the characters interesting and the fact that the titular Devil Girl is looking to capture Earthmen for a breeding program opens up all kinds of fun analysis possibilities

MARS NEEDS WOMEN MEN INDIVIDUALS BIOLOGICALLY COMPATIBLE WITH OUR QUEEN FOR REPRODUCTIVE PURPOSES

Mars needs a swift kick in the pants if you ask me, you should’ve thought of that before you went and did whatever you did to cause this problem
as a fan of classic horror I always wonder why the monsters go after Earth people for sexytimes (usually women but there are exceptions as in this case) because there’s the biological compatibility issue and then there’s the question of why a humanoid who doesn’t look like a human would even find us attractive, we’re meant to accept that a buxom white starlet is universally desirable even to Gill-Men, Ro-Men, and other critters who you would expect to have their own beauty standards
like, I get all the meta reasons for showing a monster carrying off a beautiful woman but if I’m wondering things like this during your movie you’re doing it wrong (mainly because it means I’m bored)

cumaeansibyl:

gorgonetta:

cumaeansibyl:

gorgonetta:

[Animated gif of a robot shaking its hips awkwardly while several humans look on]

I’VE SEEN THIS, it’s “Devil Girl from Mars”

not very good, but they tried to make the characters interesting and the fact that the titular Devil Girl is looking to capture Earthmen for a breeding program opens up all kinds of fun analysis possibilities

MARS NEEDS WOMEN MEN INDIVIDUALS BIOLOGICALLY COMPATIBLE WITH OUR QUEEN FOR REPRODUCTIVE PURPOSES

Mars needs a swift kick in the pants if you ask me, you should’ve thought of that before you went and did whatever you did to cause this problem

as a fan of classic horror I always wonder why the monsters go after Earth people for sexytimes (usually women but there are exceptions as in this case) because there’s the biological compatibility issue and then there’s the question of why a humanoid who doesn’t look like a human would even find us attractive, we’re meant to accept that a buxom white starlet is universally desirable even to Gill-Men, Ro-Men, and other critters who you would expect to have their own beauty standards

like, I get all the meta reasons for showing a monster carrying off a beautiful woman but if I’m wondering things like this during your movie you’re doing it wrong (mainly because it means I’m bored)

Tagged: this is so perfectcumaeansibylscience fictionmonstersgenderfilm

Source: generic-art

31st October 2013

Photo reblogged from happiness is not a potato with 57 notes

cumaeansibyl:

gorgonetta:

[Animated gif of a robot shaking its hips awkwardly while several humans look on]

I’VE SEEN THIS, it’s “Devil Girl from Mars”
not very good, but they tried to make the characters interesting and the fact that the titular Devil Girl is looking to capture Earthmen for a breeding program opens up all kinds of fun analysis possibilities

MARS NEEDS WOMEN MEN INDIVIDUALS BIOLOGICALLY COMPATIBLE WITH OUR QUEEN FOR REPRODUCTIVE PURPOSES

cumaeansibyl:

gorgonetta:

[Animated gif of a robot shaking its hips awkwardly while several humans look on]

I’VE SEEN THIS, it’s “Devil Girl from Mars”

not very good, but they tried to make the characters interesting and the fact that the titular Devil Girl is looking to capture Earthmen for a breeding program opens up all kinds of fun analysis possibilities

MARS NEEDS WOMEN MEN INDIVIDUALS BIOLOGICALLY COMPATIBLE WITH OUR QUEEN FOR REPRODUCTIVE PURPOSES

Tagged: genderfilmscience fictioncumaeansibyl

Source: generic-art

23rd October 2013

Photoset reblogged from happiness is not a potato with 1,130 notes

cumaeansibyl:

gorgonetta:

psicologicamenteblog:

Source: PTSD: A national disorder.

Follow Francesca Mura on Pinterest

This is a nice infographic, but sadly, it erases victims of complex PTSD, which is quite prevalent and results from constant daily incursions over one’s boundary, such as in emotional abuse situations or unstable family situations during early childhood.  PTSD does not only result from specific violent or horrifying incidents.   Talking about this awful illness in a way that includes all sufferers won’t minimize the suffering of those who live with the more commonly-understood PTSD, but will elevate the cause of all sufferers.

also can we not use PTSD to promote our weirdo money-grubbing cult that literally claims it can teach you to fly, David Lynch

like check out that “*not recommended” under “psychotropic drugs,” fuck you dude, chanting is not a substitute for medication

Tagged: reblogging for legit commentaryableismwoocumaeansibyl

Source: psicologicamenteblog

25th September 2013

Post reblogged from happiness is not a potato with 82 notes

cumaeansibyl:

gorgonetta:

If you think fairy tales need to be updated or made edgier so adults can enjoy them then you probably haven’t been paying very close attention to actual fairy tales

protip: dressing fairytale protagonists in BDSM gear or the sexy-Halloween-costume version of their usual outfit is not “edgy,” though it may be more enjoyable for a certain variety of ostensible adult

this has, in fact, been done so many times that the “edge” has been worn to a nub and any further exploration of the concept is completely fucking unnecessary

"but my edgy sex princess has a machete!” OH BUGGER OFF

Tagged: *hooting*cumaeansibylliteraturegenderfolklore

Source: gorgonetta

29th August 2013

Post with 1 note

cumaeansibyl said:

I want to do this too but there’s the one part I just haven’t found a use for

Yeah, the duodenum is p. tough

Tagged: cumaeansibyl